Signs You’re Handling the Empty Nest Better Than You Think

If you’re anything like me, you cried in the car after you moved your son or daughter into their dorm room. Then you felt guilty the first night you enjoyed anything (dinner, a movie, a drive in the car) while they were off at college.

Both of these things are totally normal.

Adjusting to an empty nest doesn’t mean you don’t miss the way things used to be when your whole family was under one roof.

It might just mean that you’re doing better than you think you are! These are the 11 signs you’re adjusting well to empty-nest-life, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it.

1. You Cried, and Then You Kept Going

Crying when your child leaves home isn’t a sign you’re struggling with being a new empty nester.

Watching that tiny human that you raised suddenly somehow become big enough to live on their own is one of the most emotional chapters in adult life.

You spent years building your daily life around raising this person and one day, all of the work you put in to making them strong, confident, and independent is finally paying off.

But of course, realizing that your baby isn’t a baby anymore is going to hurt.

You cried, you missed them. You scrolled through old pictures on your phone and walked into their room more times than you think can possibly be normal.

The important part is what happens next.

Allowing yourself to make plans for dinner, nights out with friends, or enjoying your spouse is progress. Even if you cry a little most nights when you get home!

2. You’re Not Checking Their Location Every Hour

I found that having access to my son’s location was a blessing and a curse.

It’s reassuring to know they’re at their dorm, but it’s also tempting to check in way too often. So often that it feels like you’re stalking them… especially when you realize they’re out and about in the middle of the night when you randomly decided to check their location.

When you stop worrying about where they are constantly, it is a good sign that you’re letting them manage their own life.

You don’t have to worry about curfew and punishments anymore. You don’t have to stay awake wondering when they’re coming home or remind them that nothing good happens after midnight.

Now your child gets to make decisions for themselves and face natural consequences that you aren’t doling out to them.

You get to sleep.

It’s amazing to be free from enforcing rules after years of parenting. Allow yourself to enjoy that freedom without guilt!

3. An Unanswered Text Doesn’t Send You Spiraling

When your child first moves out, you will text them constantly. Trust me.

Once they start making friends, their replies will be slower and slower until you feel like it’s taking 3 to 5 business days to get a reply.

At first, this will send you spiraling as you go from thinking of every logical explanation for their slow replies to assuming the worst.

When unanswered texts don’t immediately send you into a state of panic, you’re adjusting!

You’ll come to realize that they’re just busy living their lives and stop worrying that something terrible has happened.

Your college student will text you back when they get a chance…or when they need more money for food. Whichever comes first!

4. You’ve Picked Back Up Something You Set Aside

When you’re in the season of raising kids, most moms end up losing track of their own hobbies and interests. We get so engulfed in raising our own kids and prioritizing their hobbies instead.

If you used to read all the time or had a hobby you haven’t done in years, now is your chance to pick it back up.

Maybe you have been putting off picking up a new interest for when the kids grew up and you finally have the time to do it. You’ve got the time now to invest in yourself and your spouse, there is beauty in that!

When you find yourself naturally gravitating toward the things that used to interest you, you’ll know that this is another sign that you are handling your new empty nest status better than you think!

5. You’re Enjoying the Small Perks

Listen, there are so many small perks of being an empty nester and these ones you will notice almost as soon as your student moves out.

At first, things like knowing right where your cell phone charger is and getting to choose what to watch on TV will make your heart sad.

You’ll long for the days when you were refereeing fights over the remote, video game consoles, and who ate the last of the snacks.

Pretty soon though, you’ll start to notice how nice it is that you can find the TV remote, there are far fewer dishes in the sink, and there are zero arguments about what to have for dinner.

You’re allowed to miss those years like crazy and still enjoy eating what you want for dinner while watching your favorite show on TV!

6. You’re Reconnecting With Your Partner or Friends

A hard truth about raising kids is that our marriage often finds its way to the back burner.

Too often, our spouse has to fit into the margins of our time and we have so little of it when we’re shuffling kids back and forth to sports practices, managing homework, and everyone’s separate social schedules.

Now that you’re an empty nester, you may find yourself reconnecting with your partner or reaching out to long lost friends.

Don’t let this make you feel guilty or feel as though you’re somehow losing those years of prioritizing your kids.

We spent all those years preparing them for this, and now we get to step back a little and watch what they do with their lives.

Hopefully while holding hands with the spouse we almost forgot was still living under the same roof!

7. You Let Them Solve a Problem on Their Own

For all of my children’s lives, I’ve been putting out their fires as they create them. I had to make a conscious effort to let them fix friendships and other issues on their own as they got a little bit older.

Now, when they call me from college with a problem, I have learned that my place is to give gentle guidance instead of jumping to immediately fix whatever the issue is.

Their issues won’t always be something I can solve, and as much as I hate to realize it, I won’t always be here to save them.

I can tell you that it feels truly gratifying to give my kids advice and then to let them figure it out on their own.

Do I think about them and worry?

Of course. That’s the deal with becoming a parent. You never get to stop worrying.

However, I’ve realized that I’m moving into my next chapter in their lives pretty effortlessly when I can give them advice and move on with my day.

As an empty nester, you’ll get there soon too!

8. You Made a Decision About Their Room

If you’re like many parents, you have talked for the last couple of years about what you would do with your child’s room when they move out.

Then when they finally leave the nest, their old room suddenly becomes sort of a museum to their childhood. You don’t want to move or touch anything because it feels like admitting that this chapter of your life is really over.

When you start to actually change their room into that office, workout space, or lounge that you always talked about, you’ll know you’re handling being an empty-nester just fine.

If you’re one of those parents (like I am!) that purposely decided to leave their room as-is for a few years, that’s fine too! After all, they need somewhere familiar to come home to on breaks and vacations.

Intentionally leaving their room alone is just fine, especially when you stop feeling that twinge in your chest every time you walk past the door.

9. You’re Thinking About What’s Next for You

For what seems like my entire adult life, my plans revolved around what my kids needed from me.

First it was nap time and doctor’s appointments. Then it was sports’ practices and games. Finally it was the social schedules of teenagers.

My guess is your life has probably looked similar to mine…and now you have all of this time and a whole future ahead of you that you have no real plans for.

Eventually, you may realize that you’re starting to plan your life based on your own ambitions instead of just counting down to the next weekend or holiday break when your kids will be home.

Whether this looks like career ambitions, fitness goals, a travel bucket list, or even volunteering, finally doing something for you is such a healthy part of moving into this new season of life.

If you have a spouse along for this next chapter, maybe you can finally start making some of those plans together!

10. Your Conversations Feel More Adult

I started to notice this long before my kids moved out, but it is worth discussing here.

Somewhere along the line, your conversations start to feel more adult-like. You’re not reminding them about upcoming class parties or cleaning up their rooms. You’re discussing their futures and their hopes and dreams.

There’s something special about this and heartbreaking all at the same time.

I like to remind myself that I fully enjoyed my kids when they were little, and now I’m getting to truly appreciate who they’ve become as adults.

You get to watch their lives unfold in their college years and beyond.

This is such a blessing and is truly the BEST part of being an empty nester!

11. You’re Kind to Yourself on the Hard Days

Just when you’re starting to get comfortable with your new routine and your new life as empty nesters, something will happen that throws you into a tailspin.

For me, it’s those flashback camera and video rolls that my phone loves to deliver at the worst times.

Make no mistake, there will be hard days when it feels just as bad as the day that you dropped them off at their dorm for the first time.

Missing your kids doesn’t mean you’re backsliding or that your progress was only temporary.

Like everything in life, adjusting to being an empty nester has its ups and downs.

You loved your life when they were home and you were the center of their world. You will love your life again while they are out of the house and are choosing to spend time with you despite the fact that you no longer share an address.

You can love the life you’re building now and still miss the one you had before.

Be kind to yourself on the hard days. I promise; they will happen less and less as time goes on!

When It’s More Than a Hard Transition

I am so NOT a medical doctor, so please take the following thoughts with a grain of salt.

Empty nest syndrome isn’t technically a medical diagnosis (I checked. I love to diagnose myself with things at 2 am. Thanks Dr. Google).

I digress.

Sadness that lasts for weeks, affects your sleep, appetite, or your day-to-day life may be worth talking to a doctor about.

Reaching out to a counselor to talk about your feelings can also be incredibly helpful.

While your spouse and your friends love you and would probably love to talk through this with you, sometimes it’s best to talk to a professional that can give you a different perspective.

It doesn’t mean you’re broken, it means you’re strong enough to get help when you need it! Sometimes taking care of yourself means letting someone else help you through the hardest parts.

Final Thoughts

I hope I’ve gotten across to you the points that I was trying to make. Yes, it’s incredibly hard to watch your children leave the nest.

Yes, some days will be heartbreaking and hard to get through.

But your relationship with your child is just changing. They WILL be back, they will still need you, and the love between a child and parent is forever.

Your relationship is evolving.

If your tiny squishy newborn stayed tiny forever, you wouldn’t have known the curious toddler you would love at 3. Or the independent, thoughtful teenager you would love at 15.

This season is no different. You are about to experience the best version of your child, and they will eventually bring new people into your life that you will love deeply.

This season is just a stepping stone to a beautiful future. Try to embrace it without letting the sad days take over. There is still so much beauty yet to come!