Parents Weekend: Do’s and Don’ts of Visiting a College Kid
Are you going to visit your college student for Family Weekend? Are you wondering what are the do’s and don’ts of Parents Weekend?
Parents Weekend at college can be a whirlwind of anticipation, emotions, and reconnection.
For parents of first-year students, this special weekend will probably be your first face to face visit with your new college student since college drop-off day.
If this is your first visit to see your college freshman since move-in day, you’re probably counting down the days until you can trade phone calls and texts for in-person chats and quality time together.
Parent’s weekend is a precious opportunity to see your child’s new home, get a glimpse of their real life at college, and make fun memories together.
Whether you’re an experienced college parent or heading to Family Weekend for the first time as a parent, here are some important tips for Parents Weekend.
This post is all about the Dos and Don’ts of Parents Weekend. Here’s everything you need to know about visiting your college student!
What is Parents weekend?
Some colleges call it Parents Weekend and some opt for the more inclusive Family Weekend.
Either way, Parents and Family Weekend is a chance for parents to visit their kids in an organized way, check out campus activities, treat your college student to a nice dinner out, and drop off some forgotten items from home.
Most parents (and their college students) have a lot of expectations and emotions around Family Weekend.
Parents want to know what life is like for their college student and how they’ve adjusted since move-in day.
Children may (or may not) be missing their parents and families.
Navigating the relationship dynamics between parents and young adults can be challenging for all.
The Dos and Don’ts of Parents Weekend
Because Parents Weekend can be fraught with expectations and emotions, it’s important for parents to navigate the weekend with grace.
Here are the essential Dos and Don’ts of Parents Weekend.
Dos of Parents weekend
Do ask if your student wants you to come
They probably do. Parents Weekend cleverly falls right around the time homesickness peaks.
But they might not. Some college students would prefer to not see their parents until Thanksgiving, for a variety of reasons.
Your college student is now living as a semi-independent adult. Be respectful of their schedules and preferences, and ask them if they’d like you to visit.
Do ask your student about their expectations for the weekend
The best way to have an amazing Parents Weekend is for you and your student to have a conversation about Parents Weekend before the weekend begins.
College students are becoming independent adults, and parents need to respect their students’ commitments and expectations. Your student may want to spend every moment with you that they can.
Or they may be happy to see you, but also balancing activities they want to do with friends, homework, work commitments, and extracurricular activities.
Talk about how they (and you) want the weekend to go before you show up on campus. This conversation will help you both prioritize what you do together and minimize frustrations.
Respect your student’s commitments and preferences, just like you would those of a peer you were visiting.
Do book your hotel early
Parents Weekends are very popular!! Make your hotel reservations early!
Accommodations near campus always fill up far in advance, due to the influx of visiting families. Hotel rates sometimes skyrocket for Parent Weekend dates.
Look for hotels, Airbnbs, and traditional Bed & Breakfasts. If you’re having trouble finding a place to stay, check out nearby towns and state parks. If you want a room, you must book early, and you’ll probably pay a premium.
Do invite your child to stay with you at your hotel or Airbnb
However, know that they may prefer the excitement of their dorm over the quiet hotel with you. In fact, if you’re bringing younger siblings to Family Weekend, expect them to want to stay in the dorm also!
Do Book transportation early
If you need to book flights and a rental car, make those reservations as early as possible, especially if you’ll be traveling somewhere with a small airport and limited car rentals.
Do make restaurant reservations
If you’re visiting your child in a city popular with tourists or planning to go to a nice restaurant for lunch, you may need reservations for lunch.
But you will definitely need dinner reservations. Going out to dinner is a time-honored part of Parents Weekend.
Ask if your child has any suggestions of where to go, determine your group size, and make your reservation quickly!
Do include your child’s friends
Graciously invite your child’s roommate, significant other, or friends whose families can’t come for Family Weekend.
First ask your child if they want to include their roommate or friends, to be sure that they don’t want time exclusively with you. Don’t extend an invitation to a roommate or friend without running it by your college student first.
Do ask to meet your child’s new friends
Even if you can’t include friends in dinner plans, ask to meet them. You’ll love being able to match a face to a name when your child tells you about the new friends they’ve been hanging out with.
Do take advantage of college-sponsored events
Most colleges offer a wide range of activities.
Some events will be free, but may require an RSVP. Other events will require you to purchase a ticket.
Be warned that both free and paid events have limited tickets available and they will sell out!
Colleges will send out an itinerary of the weekend well in advance of the dates. Review the schedule to see what you events you want to attend.
Talk the schedule over with your student, but don’t expect them to attend all (or any!) of the events with you.
Do eat at the dining hall
Of course, the food in the dining halls will be better on Parents Weekend than it normally is.
But you’ll get a sense of what your child eats on a daily basis, courtesy of that expensive meal plan you purchased.
Your child may have no desire to eat with you at the dining hall, so you may have to navigate this without them!
Do bring gifts
Treats are always a good option–and bring extras for friends and dormmates. Homemade goodies like cookies or brownies, doughnuts from a hometown bakery, or bags of your kid’s favorite chips are sure to be a hit.
If your child has dietary restrictions be sure to bring whatever special food they can eat, but that might be hard to get on campus.
This is also a great time to show up bearing gifts like a favorite lotion, a new scarf, a new pair of gloves, a Starbucks gift card, or other fun “thinking of you” gifts to let your college student know they’re not forgotten.
Do pay for everything
This is a chance to treat your child. By the time Parents Weekend rolls around, most college students have burned through some of the money from their summer jobs and will appreciate your generosity.
So even if you’re shocked by how much money you’ve already spent on college, fork out the cash for dinners out, new college sweatshirts, and tickets to the big home game.
Do offer to take your child shopping
They might just need some snacks, or they might need a heavier winter coat.
Whether you head to a mall or a grocery store, your child will appreciate you taking them to get any needed essentials.
(Of course, they could always order from Amazon and have it shipped directly to them, for easier access to whatever they need.)
Do buy college swag
As any college student knows, the bookstore isn’t cheap.
Offer to buy them a new hoodie, and get one for parents and siblings visiting too.
Show your excitement and pride for their college choice by sporting college swag all weekend.
Do offer to take your child off campus
If they don’t have a car, it might be hard to explore the area around campus.
On Parents Weekend, your child may be grateful for some time away from campus… or they may turn you down and let you explore the area on your own.
Do ask for a tour
See if your child would give you a tour of campus from their perspective.
Ask to see the dining hall they like the best, where they study in the library, their favorite coffee shop, and the path they walk back to the dorm.
Parent’s weekend is a great opportunity to see campus from your child’s perspective.
Do be flexible
Even if you plan ahead, your child may change their mind about plans at the last minute.
Instead of being mad or upset about that, participate in family weekend events, go listen to live music in the college town, or take a walking tour of the city.
Realize that your child’s plans are flexible and adapt accordingly.
Do ask open-ended questions
Ask questions about college life and how your child is doing in ways that encourage them to answer with full thoughts, not just a yes or no.
For example, instead of asking, “Do you like college?” ask, “What’s been the best part of college?”
Instead of asking, “Are your classes stressful?” ask, “What’s been challenging about your college classes?”
Give your child the opportunity to reflect on their experiences and talk openly with you.
Do listen
There’s a lot going on in your college student’s life. If you are lucky enough that they talk to you about it, just listen.
Do look beyond the surface
Evaluate how your child is really doing.
The transition to college is tough, and each year of college has its own challenges.
You don’t want to pry, but you do want to know if your child hates college, is having trouble studying, or is facing the dreaded sophomore slump.
Seeing your student face-to-face for the first time since move-in day is a chance to see how they’re really doing.
Do tell your child you’re proud of them
Be supportive of all the struggles your child has faced at college.
Tell them that you’re proud of them. Every college student wants to hear that their parents are proud of them.
Even if you’ve said it many times before, know that no child tires of hearing their parent express pride in the person they’ve become.
Do tell your child you’re there for them
Assure your child that they can call you any time to talk or get help.
This is especially important to do if your Parents Weekend ends on a bad note.
Be sure your child knows you’re always there for them when they need you.
Do ask if your child needs help
Instead of assuming, ask how your child is doing and if they need help with anything.
If your child is talking to you about their experiences, just listen. They are talking to you, not necessarily looking for you to solve their problems.
You can even ask, “Do you just want to vent? Or do you want ideas on how to solve this?”Chances are, they already know what they want to do to resolve a situation, and they just want to talk.
If you think your child might be in a situation that does require fixing, ask if your child wants to talk through and brainstorm about how to handle the situation, instead of offering to intervene. They may surprise you with their ability to handle a challenging situation.
Don’ts of Parents weekend
Don’t forget to register
Most colleges require families to register in advance for Parent’s Weekend. Colleges need to manage logistics and plan to accommodate everyone.
Check your child’s college website for registration information and deadlines.
Don’t be offended if your child barely has time for you
Yes, you’ve made a huge effort to go see your child. You’re hoping for a weekend of quality family time.
But that doesn’t mean your child has cleared their schedule for your arrival. Your child might have work commitments, homework assignments, extracurricular activities, or activities planned with friends.
Just take it in stride and be good humored about it.
Hopefully you already had an honest conversation about whether your child wanted you to visit for Parents Weekend and what you and they expected from the weekend.
If not, don’t expect much from your student. By setting low expectations, you won’t be disappointed if your child is busy with friends or studying.
Don’t criticize
No matter how difficult it may be, don’t criticize your child.
They are well aware of their shortcomings and don’t need to be reminded.
Parents weekend is the perfect opportunity to bite your tongue and refrain from commenting on their behavior, new look, decor, hairstyle, clothing choice, or anything else.
Don’t nag
Enjoy this time with your student, and don’t spoil it by nagging them. Save those reminders about applying for internships or jobs for later.
Don’t clean
Your student’s dorm room will not be in pristine move-in day condition, and that’s okay.
They can keep their dorm room as messy and they and their roommate will tolerate. It’s not your job to tidy their belongings or do their laundry.
Don’t expect your child to entertain you
Trust me, they have other things to do!
Even if they want to spend time with you, they don’t want to set your agenda for the whole weekend.
Take the lead from your child, and if they want to spend the whole weekend with you, that’s great. But have a back up plan of fun things independently of your student.
Don’t assume that everything is going well
Your college student may put on a brave face and post happy pics on social media.
But they may be struggling inside.
College, especially freshman year of college, is a time of high highs and low lows for many college students. Students are dealing with a lot, but trying to hold it all together.
Try to have a substantial conversation with your student to see how they’re really feeling about college and other things happening in their lives.
Don’t launch any difficult topic conversations
This is a weekend to reconnect with your college student. It’s not the time to put them on the spot or talk about difficult things.
Wait until Thanksgiving break or winter break, so they can process tough conversations at home, without the pressure of exams and the lack of privacy that is dorm life.
There are caveats to this. Definitely do have difficult conversations with your student if they aren’t going to class, don’t feel safe, are drinking too much, are depressed, or have blown through a semester’s worth of money already.
Don’t pry
If your student doesn’t want to open up and talk about things that are bothering them, don’t push by asking additional questions.
Respect your almost adult child’s independence and let them know you’re available if they need you.
Don’t intervene with professors or administrators
Your student’s grades are up to them. And if they have any issues with college administrators, they need to arrange their own meeting and be their own best advocate.
College is a time of personal growth and learning how to deal with things like an adult. Don’t take that opportunity away from your child.
Don’t be shocked by changes
If it seems like the young adult before you is nothing like the person you left behind on college move-in day, don’t be shocked.
College is a time of personal growth. Your child is being exposed to different cultures, beliefs, and outlooks. It’s natural that they are changing as they find their own way to adulthood.
Don’t stay too long
As every parent knows, timing is everything.
If you stay until the official end of Parents Weekend, head out immediately after.
Don’t expect your student to have dinner with you on Sunday night. Of course you can ask, but don’t be surprised if they pass. They’ve already moved on to getting ready for class on Monday.
Don’t hold a grudge
Even if you talk about expectations before Parents Weekend, chances are that there are going to be some moments that no one is proud of or remembers fondly.
The college years are just a challenging time of navigating increasing independence, old habits, and personal growth.
So even if the weekend isn’t all sunshine and roses, don’t stress about it after it’s over. Apologize if you need to. Forgive all the frustrating moments and move on. Focus on the positive memories.
Don’t forget to say thank you
Be sure to thank your child for sharing their college experience with you for the weekend.
Tell them your favorite memories. Send them some of the selfies you took together.
Let them know how much you value the time you spent with them.
What can you do during Parents weekend?
Programming for Parents Weekend varies significantly, depending on which college or university your child attends.
Your child’s college will send out a schedule full of a variety of events, probably right after college drop off!
The schedule will probably include individual event descriptions, instructions on how to buy football tickets and make reservations or purchase tickets for other more popular events.
There will be directions to campus, suggestions for local accommodations, and lists of nearby restaurants.
On-Campus Parents Weekend Activities
Family weekend events may include:
- Sporting events, like a football game, soccer match, or other fall sports.
- Campus tours
- Speeches by the college president and deans
- Lectures by a special guest speaker or distinguished professor
- Cultural performances
- Cocktail receptions for parents
- Panel discussions and presentations
- Open House events
- Academic presentations by different departments
- Info sessions about study abroad and special academic programs
- Musical performances by a cappella groups and other musical groups
- Theater productions
- Religious services
Off-Campus Parents Weekend Activities
You can also enjoy off-campus activities during Family Weekend, such as:
- Museums
- Art galleries
- Nearby street fairs
- Walking tours
- Local restaurants
- Nearby special events
- Fun fall activities in the city or surrounding area
- Trying regional specialties and local treats
When is Parents’ Weekend?
Parents’ Weekend usually happens in the fall, about six to eight weeks after the semester begins. However, some colleges host Parents Weekend in the spring.
Each university sets its own dates. Fall Family Weekends might be any time from mid-September to mid-October.
Most colleges will tell you the dates of Parents Weekend in the summer before you arrive on campus. If you haven’t heard yet, just check the college website.
Parents Weekend usually begins on Friday night and ends on Sunday morning. You can arrive on Friday afternoon and stay for the entire weekend, leaving on Sunday afternoon. Or you may just participate in a few events on Saturday.
Before you make any travel plans, confirm the dates and schedule of events.
Parents Weekend is a good time for parents to visit, because students have overcome their initial homesickness and settled into a college routine.
What is the dress code for Parents Weekend?
If you’re wondering what to wear to Parents Weekend, the goal is comfort with a dash of campus chic.
You want to wear smart casual or business casual, for a look that’s effortlessly put together, but not overly formal.
College-branded gear is always appropriate for Family Weekend. Choose a college T-shirt or sweatshirt, depending on the weather.
In most climates, layering will be your friend, especially if the weather is unpredictable. Bring a sweater, light jacket, or sweatshirt.
Check the weather forecast in advance, and bring a rain jacket, umbrella, and waterproof boots if necessary.
Exploring campus will require a lot of walking, so wear comfortable shoes. Because your days will be quite busy, choose outfits that will be appropriate for whatever the schedule brings!
Should Siblings or Grandparents go to Family Weekend?
This is a personal decision, depending on your family dynamics.
Generally speaking, visiting a sibling at college is a good experience for younger siblings, because they can get a better sense of college life. They get an up-close look at life on a college campus. Visiting a college for the weekend is much more informative than just a campus tour.
If the grandparent and student have a good relationship and the grandparent is up for the journey, bring them along.
Having the entire family show up to support and encourage your college student can be a wonderful thing.
However, if your college student is feeling extremely stressed and overwhelmed and is likely to need all of your attention, you might want to go to Parents Weekend without any additional family members.
If you have doubts, ask your college student how they feel about having siblings or other family members join you at Family Weekend.
What if I can’t go to Parents Weekend?
There are many reasons families can’t make it to Parents Weekend. The main reasons parents can’t make it to Family Weekend are distance, cost, and other commitments.
If you can’t make it to Parents Weekend, you can:
Offer to visit another weekend
If you’re already booked with other plans on Parents Weekend, or you just can’t get a flight or a hotel room, you might want to visit the weekend before or after Parents Weekend.
You will miss all the college-sponsored Parents Weekend events and planned activities, but there will still be lots of things to do on and off campus with your college student.
You’ll have a much easier time booking flights, restaurants, and accommodations. You’ll also avoid crowds and experience a more relaxed version of campus life.
Send other family members
If parents can’t go, is there a grandparent, aunt, or uncle who could fill in?
For students who are homesick and looking for a family connection, a member of their extended family might be the perfect person to fill in at Family Weekend.
Send money for an “orphan’s dinner”
If you just can’t make a trip to visit your college student, offer to send money to your student so that they can invite friends whose parents also can’t make Parents Weekend out to dinner.
Feeling treated by your parents is a fun part of Parents Weekend, so this is a sweet substitute.
What if my child doesn’t want me to come to Parents Weekend?
For some students, Parents Weekend is a big deal. For others, not so much.
If your college student doesn’t want you to come to Parents Weekend, your feelings might be hurt. You might feel really left out, when you see pictures of your friends at their kid’s Parents Weekend events.
However, if your child doesn’t want you to go to Parents Weekend, don’t go.
There may be any number of reasons they don’t want you to come. And those reasons may or may not have anything to do with you and your relationship with your student.
Between the challenges of academic life, the pressure of social life at college, all the new things they’re experiencing, and their need for alone time, they may not want the distractions of home.
Simply say that you understand and you respect their decision. You can offer to come visit them on another weekend. Visiting not on Parents Weekend might feel more low-key and less pressured.
Final Tips for Visiting Your Child on Parents Weekend
Family weekend is a wonderful college tradition.
Parents get to see what life on campus is like for their college students. They get a glimpse of what their child experiences every day. And parents get to see where their tuition dollars are going!
Unlike college move-in day, students and parents alike are more relaxed, less anxious, and adjusted to the fact that the child is now a young adult on the way to independence.
However, old habits and emotions can make Family Weekend challenging. Parents and children are learning to navigate changing relationship dynamics.
The number one key to a successful Parents Weekend is clear communication between parents and the college students.
Know that everything about Parents Weekend doesn’t have to be perfect (because it won’t be!) for it to be wonderful! Enjoy this special moment in time with your college student.
If both the students and parents are thoughtful, patient, and respectful with each other, they can avoid potential fights and disagreements and prevent unnecessary stress.
Realistically, if you’re reading this, you’re probably a parent, and it’s going to be up to you to model the thoughtfulness, patience, and grace you hope to also receive from your child.
By following these dos and don’ts of Family Weekend, you’ll have a great weekend that is enjoyable for everyone and that celebrates the growth and transformation happening in your student’s life.
Whether it’s your first year or your fourth, go to Parent’s Weekend with an open heart and open mind! Have fun reconnecting with your child, learning about their university, and exploring their college town on your own!
